What is a Guiri?
I started Errores de Un Guiri to help people learn about Spanish culture and improve their Spanish by laughing with (or at) the mistakes I made. By understanding a language's common structures and idioms, you understand the humour and culture of the people (and vice versa).
Before reading, it's important to know what a Guiri is. "¿Qué es “guiri?” Un guiri es un extranjero que vive en España. Alguien que pone ketchup en la tortilla, mezcla los verbos estar y ser, deja propinas, busca restaurantes abiertos entre las 15:00 y 20:00, sale al club a las diez, llora en el ayuntamiento, pide paella fuera de la comunidad Valencia, y comete otros errores graves." What is “guiri?” A guiri is a foreigner living in Spain. Someone who puts ketchup on the tortilla, mixes the verbs estar and ser, leaves tips, looks for restaurants open between 15:00-20:00, goes to the club at ten, cries at the town hall, asks for paella outside the Valencia community, and makes other serious mistakes.
For today's article, we will start by testing your guiri knowledge.
Translation
Where is this guiri from?
In Spain, they eat tacos and burritos.
Translation
Answer: United States
Translation
Where does this guiri come from?
No! No! I'm not American.
Translation
Answer: Canada
Translation
Where is this guiri from?
I have a villa in Mallorca.
Translation
Answer: Germany
Okay, now it's time to test your knowledge of Spanish people.
Translation
Fill in the blank
Nobody makes better ______ than Spanish people.
Translation
To me, nobody makes better croquetas than Spanish people. Of course, this is going to piss some French people off. And if all fairness, I've never had French croquetas.
Translation
We are going to practice preterito pluscuamperfecto de subjuntivo with "hopefully."
Translation
I wish I hadn't drank two carajillos (*see video for explanation), three gin tonics, a bottle of wine and... What else? I can't remember.
Translation
I wish we had used a condom.
Translation
I wish I had invested in Bitcoin in 2010...
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
I wish __ ____________.
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
The worst of Spain is ______.
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
... The napkins under your food.
In Spain.
The rest of the world.
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
... Independent contractor fees/taxes.
In Spain
The rest of the world.
If you want to know just how mental autonomo fees are, watch this video or check out the frases del dia article.
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
... The transport companies.
The most precise arrival time you'll receive is Mediodía (Midday), but that's the direct translation. The accurate translation is, "I'll show up when I want, and I won't bother to call you. And if you aren't there, you'll have to drive to the warehouse no matter how far you live, even if you paid for shipping."
Translation
Fill in the blank space.
... Government employees (in bureaucracy).
"I've already worked two hours today."
Translation
How to lose friends in Spain.
Translation
Put chorizo in a paella.
If you ate paella with chorizo, you didn't eat paella. You ate rice from a clueless guiri.
Translation
Put ketchup in a Spanish tortilla.
I do it all the time, but at home, where I'm safe and out of site. And no, it's nothing like a Mexican tortilla. It's much blander – kind of like an omelette. That's why it needs to be smothered in hot sauce and some melted cheese.
Oh god, I sound like an American.
Translation
What are some other Spanish food sins?
Translation
How a guiri can become Spanish.
Translation
A lot of noise and people speaking over each other makes me happy.
Translation
I don't want to start a business anymore; I want to become a government employee.
This is because the Spanish system is set up so that if you want to start a small business, you'll have to deal with a mountain of paperwork and go broke or insane, but if you want to be a government employee, you'll live a very comfortable life.
Translation
The guiri became a partier, carnivore, and picaro. You can't translate picaro into English. It's like a mischievous rogue who makes money in clever, possibly illegal ways.
Translation
Since paying taxes, the guiri has become a (very) complainer.
Translation
When a Spanish person arrives in Canada – a guiri country
Translation
Free water.
"Amazing!"
Translation
Fast service
"Woohoo!"
Translation
Kind servers.
"Do you want something else?"
"Bravo!"
Translation
The receipt
Food $$$
Taxes $
Tip: Good – 15% Very good – 20% Excellent – 25%
... Fuck
Translation
Fill in the blank space
Not only __________ but also __________.
Translation
... The German Guiris
.... Not only do they fill the beaches of Mallorca, but also the clubs in Ibiza.
Translation
The American guiris
... Not only order burritos in a Spanish restaurant but also put ketchup on their patatas bravas.
Translation
The British guiris
... Not only want to leave the EU but also want to stay in Spain.
Translation
Now you try!
Translation
Why do Spanish transport companies always use the subjunctive?
Translation
The delivery day
"Where is my package?"
"We will send it to you as soon as it arrives in the warehouse."
Translation
... 5 days later
"Why isn't my package here yet?"
"As soon as we have an available truck, we will send it to you."
Translation
... 2 weeks later
"You said that my package would arrive last week! But it's still not here."
"We will send you the package as soon as we find it."
Translation
Why do Spanish transport companies always use the subjunctive?
Because the package's arrival is never certain!
Translation
Ways to order a beer in Spain.
There's no way to translate these.
Translation
Beer.
Translation
Offensive words that are still used in Spain.
"Offensive" from the point of view of English speakers.
Translation
Be careful with those croquettes, fatty.
Translation
My friend is so emotional. She is (a) bipolar.
... I'm not going to translate this one.
Translation
Tell me what you think.
Can changing language stop prejudice?
What other Spanish words do you find offensive?
Translation
We are going to practice preterito pluscuamperfecto de subjuntivo.
Translation
It would have been nice that __________ had they ___________.
Translation
Group of Spanish people: It would have been nice if the servers let us sit two more hours with the beer.
Group of guiris: It would have been nice if the servers brought us the food faster.
Translation
Now your turn!
It would have been nice that _______ they had _________.
Translation
How to know if someone is posh in Spain?
Translation
"Do you want to go to MasyMas?"
"I only shop in Corte Ingles and the central market."
MasyMas is an affordable Spanish supermarket smaller than many of its competitors. The produce might not be as high of quality as in the markets, and the brands might not be fancy, but I love it. And if you tell people you shop at Corte Ingles, they'll assume you have money. As for the central market, it depends on the city.
Translation
"The prices of sugar and butter have risen a lot, right?"
"Really? Well, I haven't noticed."
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